Not Sad, Just So Tired

I have taken the morning off of school today. I am not really needed on Monday mornings- I help out with a couple of lessons, and I'm in Thrive for a bit, but I'm not essential. So it felt okay.

I didn't take the morning off because I absolutely needed to. I took the morning off because I don't want to reach the point of absolutely needing to. I am feeling a bit wobbly, mostly tired, and I could have gone in. However, last week was busy, and this week is busy too. I know that if I try to push through the feeling exhausted, I will probably crash, probably at a time when I should be doing something somewhere, and it'll probably all be worse. So I made an informed self-care decision, and I am proud of myself.

I was hoping to go back to bed and get some sleep, which I am greatly in need of. However, as tired as I am, I can't quite push myself into the point of feeling sleepy, which is frustrating. Maybe on the way back from school I will get some more herbal sleeping stuff, and see if that helps. Tonight I had plans, but they've been cancelled- so a hot bath and an early night might be a good idea. I will find lavender, and warm milk, and turn off my phone.

I need sleep so so badly.

Anyway, mentally I am not awful today. I am mostly nothingness. This is okay, it's just because I'm tired. And now I'm frustrated because I can't sleep, and I so badly do not want to crash.

But oh well. Self-care sometimes means adapting. Instead of sleeping, I'm going to watch Sherlock and knit. Also, I will make myself a smoothie and drink lots of water. I have a headache and a dry mouth, and I'm feeling breathless- I think that's all because I'm dehydrated (and tired- spot the theme). So, lots and lots of water.

This afternoon, I will go into school, probably. I might try and get in for lunch with Thrive, which will be good. Then, Law. I can deal with Law. I like Law, even if parts of it are trying sometimes. At least we're going Theft today. I like Concepts more, and I like debating, but it gets tiring sometimes, being so much.

Anyway. Positivity.

Today is a Monday, so I also need to sort out my to do list for this week. At the moment I am feeling overwhelmed somewhat, and like I haven't done enough. Haven't done enough today, didn't do enough last week; am not doing enough with my life.

Malvolio, you are wrong.

I will make my to do list and get a couple of things done today. I am far more productive than I give myself credit for. I hope.

Does this sound bleak? I'm not as low as I guess this sounds. Just really really tired.