Knitting, And Other Things

Yesterday I wrote about Alan Rickman, but that is not what I wanted to write about. I listed what I wanted to write about:

'There are lots of posts I want to write at the moment. I still want to write about Christmas and New Year; I want to write about communication, and knitting, her; about anxiety and happiness, and adventures.'

This post is not about Christmas or New Year, because I want to write about them specifically sometime. Maybe I never will, but I want to. This post is about everything else.

Where to start?

I will start with breakfast, and coffee.

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I have eaten breakfast, and am drinking my coffee. Hey, it is only almost 12 o'clock. I have only been up since 8:30. Okay, that is kind of quite bad. Anyway. I am here now!

I think I'm going to write this blog in bits throughout the day. I have lots to get done today! So I will write it in breaks :)

One thing I really need to do today is get back to lots of people. I have been awful at communication lately. If anyone is reading this who I haven't replied to recently, I promise it is nothing to do with you, it is entirely my fault. I just can't do the communication thing sometimes. I don't know why. But I will get back to you soon, I promise!! Scheduling that for today/tomorrow.

Life has been very very busy recently. With the beginning of 2016, I have been trying to get back to things with a bang, looking at getting everything and anything done. It has been busy and sometimes stressful and overwhelming, but mostly good. I like being busy. I like getting things done. This is the life that suits me. My days are mostly filled with emails, and occasionally meetings, and 'oh wait *expletive* I definitely had to do that OOPS', but y'know, that's how life is. My friend told me that being a Gemini is to do with being organised but in a haphazard way (I think). I am not sure how I feel about horoscopes and things like that, but I think that is fitting.

Another thing that has happened since 2016 started is knitting. Lots and lots of knitting. I have never knitted before, but now I do it whenever I can. It's absorbing, and methodical, and wonderful. I like it because it gives me something to do, and slows my brain down a bit. Normally my brain is going at a million miles an hour. Knitting helps with that. It's also good for when I want to concentrate on something else (such as a film, or a documentary), which I cannot always do. Knitting is enough distraction but also not enough distraction. It just works.

The other thing about knitting is what I am knitting. Or, what we are knitting. My absolute favourite person (formerly known as Little One) and I are knitting rainbow scarves together, where the final two products will both have bits from both of us. It has been very fun, and we are very excited about the final things!! Also, it was that absolute favourite person (I keep saying she needs a new, better nickname) who taught me to knit. I am so very grateful. To be honest, I am just very grateful for that person in general. She is a wonder.

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It's a lot later now. I have done some work, and also managed to work on a fun surprise project thing. So that is good! I've not done as much as I hoped, but I have got stuff done at least, and I'm going to get up early tomorrow and do more. Right now, I am going to finish this, then shower, eat and go out. Films and knitting with my favourite tonight!

My favourite person is someone I want to talk about a lot. Like, all the time. But, for now, not here. It's enough to know that I would like to talk about her, and that she makes me incredibly happy. That is enough.

It's really really weird, being happy. I don't think I'm used to it, and Malvolio- anxiety disorder; there's another post in this alone- is not happy with me being happy. It means that, for now, I'm super anxious about everything. Does anyone else get that? Intense anxiety from happiness, at least to start? It's incredibly frustrating and annoying and bad, but I know that it's Malvolio's way of reacting to me being happy. I'm trying to see it as a good thing, that at least I am happy and that's why this is happening. I'm also looking at it as a necessary stage- I just need to power through this weird stage, and then I'll get through to the other side. Lots of rationalising (so much rationalising!) and forcing myself to do things and trying to get through it all at the moment. Constant arguing with my brain. Tiring, but, y'know. Necessary. Part and parcel of it all. And I'm still happy, which is the main thing. The happiness is always the main thing. I think people think happiness and anxiety are mutually exclusive, but I am living proof that they are not, because I am just so happy!

Anyway. There are still things I want to talk about, like Thrive and learning, and London and making myself choose positivity, but that is not for now. Showers and getting ready are for now.

Adios, my loves. I hope you are all doing well! With all my love :) xx